There really was a time when insults had class.

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” –
Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” –
Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –
Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” –
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time in reading it.” –
Moses Hadas

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” –
Abraham Lincoln

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” –
Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” –
Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” –
Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend… if you have one.” –
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” –
Winston Churchill, in response

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” –
Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” –
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” –
Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.” –
Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” –
Jack E. Leonard

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.” –
James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” –
Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” –
Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever…” –
Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts… for support rather than illumination. ” –
Andrew Lang

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” –
Billy Wilder

And I thought I had class.

I should work on my sarcasm from now on. Watch out, world.

A little cold-blooded but still human.