Office vampires are like 360 Pharmacies: they are everywhere. Look to your left, to your right, you might just spot one. They are the officemates that when they get in the office first thing in the morning (or afteroon or evening), the first words that come out of their mouth are, "Back to reality," "Same shit, different day,", "I don't need this crap," or something to that effect. And, oh, they are usually tardy or absent. Come to think of it, the office is actually better off when they are absent.

These are the people that are resistant to change. Uncomfortable to anything that pulls them out of their comfort zone. Actually, they are hard to understand because they seem to be resistant to everything.

Office gossip is what they like to do. If you can layout a gossip on a large piece of paper and connect the grapevine, you will find them at the roots.

It is not surprising that their performance is below the expectations. You usually spot them not on their desks but on the bottom of the manager's performers ranking list. The worse ones are those you know are very good at their work but are just doing what's necessary.*

Anyway, you get my point. They suck the life out of your team and you should slay them fast. Below are some tips that I found on one of my favorite online sources.

Luckily, there are tools you can use to deal with these vampires. Think of it as a vampire-slayer utility belt. Here's what you can bring to bear on them:

• Pull out the garlic. Redirect the office vampire when he or she expresses something negative by changing the flavor of the subject right away. "So how about those Atlanta Braves?" OK, maybe don't talk about the Braves right now, but you get my point. Change the subject abruptly.
• Hold up a mirror. In the same way that vampires can't see themselves in mirrors, most of the problems expressed by the office vampires don't turn out to be there when a mirror is held up to them. Whatever they thought was negative doesn't actually exist. The mirror actually involves recasting or reframing the conversation, acknowledging what was said, but then challenging the opinion with a more positive point of view. They might complain the weather is getting cold, but you can respond that you're looking forward to hunting season, or the holidays.
• Pull out a UV flashlight. I know it can be tough, but sometimes you need to get rid of the vampire. I actually find this is hard for many business owners because they try to empathize with the vampire in their midst. But you're running a business, not a self-help group. Don't let the vampire waste your time, energy, or attention. Instead let him or her go in the quickest and most humane way possible.

The sad thing is that in the hiring process, it's virtually impossible to filter out the vampires early on. The sadder thing is that the PH's labor laws are pro-employee to a fault.** So, as leaders, you have no option but to take out that UV flashlight at times.

But to those who may not like the UV treatment, the garlic and mirror methods are actually easy. In fact, you may have already done so before unconsciously.

Let's do a quick exercise. If you are in the office (or the sooner that you get in), look for the first vampire that you can find.

Here's an easier way to spot them: check out their IM status message!

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* Talking about people who are good about what they do but for some reason are just doing what's necessary, read about mediocrity here.

** I'm not saying that I am totally against the PH labor laws. In fact, I think it is one of the most progressive in Asia. There are just a lot of clauses in there that make it hard for you to run a company (e.g., firing a nuisance employee).

Combing the outside world for potentially useful innovation ideas is necessary but it’s not sufficient. Managers in large companies have to figure out ways to ensure that the best new ideas actually reach the people able to exploit them.

The way many companies do this is by having someone in the position of “idea connector.” This is the person who links up the “idea scouts” — people with well-developed knowledge and social networks outside their company but limited networks within it — to the R&D engineers and others who can develop the suggestions.

Here’s how it works at Google, “a company that has excelled in turning nascent ideas into innovative products,” according to authors Eoin Whelan, Salvatore Parise, Jasper de Valk and Rick Aalbers, writing in “Creating Employee Networks That Deliver Open Innovation”:

Central to this success has been the role of Marissa Mayer, a company vice president, who exemplifies the key traits of an idea connector. The initial concept for orkut (Google’s social networking site) or for the company’s desktop search did not originate with her, but she played a central role in ensuring that those promising ideas, and many others that bubbled up to the surface, were fast-tracked for investment.

One useful mechanism has been Mayer’s tradition of holding three weekly sessions where she is accessible to all Google employees who want to pitch a new idea. She brainstorms with these scout-equivalents and presses them for more details on the proposed products’ functionality before deciding whether to champion the ideas to company leaders Larry Page and Sergey Brin.

Idea connectors, the authors write, “are the hub of the company’s social network, the go-to people of the organization. Much of their expertise lies in knowing who is doing what. When they are made aware of an opportunity for innovation, connectors not only know who in the company is best equipped to exploit that idea but also possess the social capital needed to rapidly deploy the network to meet that particular challenge.”

The take-away: Companies need formalized processes for people with ideas to get to people with the influence to move on them.

“Creating Employee Networks That Deliver Open Innovation” is part of a package of stories about innovation in the Fall 2011 issue of MIT Sloan Management Review. Others include the survey-rich “The Age of the Consumer-Innovator” on the massive amounts of product innovation generated by consumers and “Is Your Company Ready for Open Innovation?” on the ways large companies are transforming employee attitudes along with incentive systems.

Actually, I just wanted to post that cute face of a VP.

I think that’s the most important thing I can offer people — that if something goes wrong, it’s my problem; if something goes right, it’s their success.

This is leadership wisdom coming from Pamela Fields, CEO of Stetson. It is not new. This is one of the first things we are taught by our mentors when we take on our first leadership tasks. Yet, a lot of us forget this. Including me. When we are stuck in a sticky situation, fingers immediately fly to point the blame on others. When something works, we cannot resist the urge to say, "See? *I* told you so."